RAM: The Open Book

I walk into my kitchen. Teatime. The water boils on the stove in the kettle. The steam rises, dissipates, disappears. In essence, a visual symbol of life in my mind. The light plays through the vapor, coming through the window in streams. Intense light and heat baking anything in its path. I go to the sink to rinse off my hands. My hands are tan. My long sleeved shirt is white, the sleeves are each rolled twice. The soap suds in the sink envelope my skin and reflect little blue rainbows of light off of each round bubble. I pour the water into the cup over the Earl Grey teabag. The water changes from clear to clear brown in swirls of unending caffeine. I move my chair so that it faces the window, so that the sun shines directly onto my face, warming me, regenerating me, passing its life into me.

It was many years ago that I met my friend. I was nineteen and he was twenty-four. We were going to art school in Pittsburgh, finding ourselves, discovering ourselves. My friend was older, he was wiser than I. I was wise beyond my years. The love we had for each other was never spoken, until the end, but throughout our lives it was proven by our actions. When we were young, we were inseparable, we thought our friendship would endure forever. Our eighties would be spent on a front porch somewhere, sitting in rocking chairs, smoking pipefulls of weed. The dreams of young people. The expectation that life will serve me and last for us.

The car follows the road around a gully and points me into the setting sun. The colors are so vivid at this time of day. Saturating the golden grasses and hills with yellows and reds then purples and blues. Intensity of color for the intensity of life. How many other people are traveling up and down this road, bitching and moaning about the sun in their eyes and how they can’t see, and if they’re not careful they’re going to wreck the car? They won’t wreck the car. Their car will see them through. The sunlight and the sunset are blessings.

By the time I get to my house four and half hours later I am seeing double. I need a drink. I need to go to sleep. I need a good dream.